Blurred Vision

I didn't think twice when the anesthesiologist was running through the possible side effects of the medications being used just before surgery. In my mind, those are always rare and there was a slim chance I would experience any of them. Wrong. Apparently, blurred vision is one of those rare things that I didn't choose to worry about. The words and lines on my phone, books, and computer blurred together in a way that made reading a huge challenge for days following the surgery.  No matter how far away I held the phone or which eye I closed in an attempt to help, I couldn't see it until I enlisted the help of my trusty "readers." Through the lens of the glasses, the text became clear.

In the midst of those few days, I began to think about how my outlook on situations and circumstances is often blurred. Clouded by a myriad of things, past hurt, sin, pride, unforgiveness, etc., our lens can make it next to impossible to truly see what is happening in us and in front of us. Sometimes, I find that I would prefer the blurred lens instead of having to see truth. If I look through my tainted lens, my hurt is justified, my sin is not really sin, and actions are valid. However, being okay with my blurred vision does not allow for healing and growth in my life and the lives around me.

Over the last few months, I have found myself clinging to my blurred vision from time to time, wanting and praying for things to just go back to the way they were. The longing and the hurt sneaks up on the days I least expect it. The cloudiness of my own emotions makes it hard to see the light in the darkness. The blur makes it hard to see where I failed in my words and actions towards others, myself, and the Lord. And, if left alone in the fog, it is easy to perpetuate on that hurt and forget all that the Lord has shown me and continues to show me each day.

For me, I desperately need the lens of truth from God's word to bring repentance, redemption, and hope.  I need the lens of good friends around me that are willing to ask tough questions because they love me enough to do so and are willing to walk by my side no matter what life brings. I need the lens of others who have gone before me, walked through similar circumstances, and come out on the other side better because of the journey. It is through these things that I am able to see more clearly.

With His lens, even on the hardest of days, I know God's plan is always better than my own. With His lens, I know there is hope. Through friends, I am encouraged, affirmed, and challenged to continue walking forward in faith. And friends, there is freedom in knowing that I can't do this on my own. We need people in our lives to help us see ourselves and our situations clearly. When my vision starts to blur, I pray that I will take a step back and  put on my "readers."